October 15, 2007

Conning Ponkra

Both pictures courtesy Google
Joe#1


One of my relatives - let’s call him Joe#1 - is an interesting person in more ways than I can describe here, as much as he can be ruthless when he is hell bent, like a butcher's hook, on achieving what he wishes to.

There is this incident when he got quite exhausted of repeated unsuccessful attempts to recover some money that he had loaned a certain person - let’s call him Ponkra.

Ponkra was quite a character, bearded and hairy all over. When people came across him, they mistook him for a mutated gorilla. He liked to be shirtless, and mostly seen wearing just a sleeveless red vest. Probably he prided in the fact that the red matched the colour of his eyes. It appeared like he had half of the Black Forest hanging out of his arm pits. Give one glance at his nose and you can't miss spear-like hair jutting out of his nostrils. He should have a license for being that ugly. I wish I had a picture of him to post here. But he's been as elusive as the Yeti.

I digress. Anyway, Joe#1’s abundant patience with Ponkra finally wore thin one day and he decided that drastic measures were required to get his money back.

He chose a cousin of mine (I shall call him Joe#2) to pretend to be a gangster. Joe#2, big size, both in terms of height and weight, wearing beads around his neck and wrists, shirt almost unbuttoned, mostly seen scowling, seemed like the kind who just had to be himself to look like a gangster - with a gun, of course.

Joe#2

So the two Joes drove off to Ponkra’s place. That day Joe#2 in the back seat of the car, donning huge sunglasses and a Cuban hat, his shirt buttons open halfway to his waist, baring his chest, successfully presented a vicious look on his face, while holding a gun.

Upon reaching there, Joe#1 summoned Ponkra out to the car for a "little chat." Ponkra came towards Joe#1 not knowing why he was beckoned. He had a silly grin on his face and looked as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

Ponkra got into the passenger seat beside Joe#1 and as soon as he noticed the hulking Mafioso sitting in the back seat of the car, the fawning simper on his face disappeared. All Joe#2 did was to sit there, with that ferocious look on his face. After that, it would not have mattered if Joe#2 had looked outside the window since one fleeting look that Ponkra had of Joe#2 got him stammering even before Joe#1 could start his "little chat." Ponkra darted one more glance to confirm what his senses registered initially and that's when he was sure Joe#2 had a gun on him.

Ponkra got agitated and began to sweat profusely. In those few moments, he developed more wrinkles of worry on his forehead than an elephant has on its scrotum. The gun was a very convincing looking water pistol, but of course, Ponkra didn’t know this!

Ponkra’s eyes darted back and forth – from the gun to the door (and freedom) – as he debated whether he could get away without being shot in his back. Swiftly deciding he had no hope of remaining alive in that situation, and before the "little chat" could begin, Ponkra drew a deep breath, and managed a coy smile to soothe, if not control, what could turn out to be an explosive situation. He then adjusted his red vest upwards, hurriedly shook hand with Joe#1 and quickly offered to give Joe#1 his brand new motorbike as a substitute for payment.

As Ponkra was getting out of the car to get his motorbike, Joe#2 unwittingly sneezed. Both Joes swear that from the smell that emanated then and the strange way in which Ponkra awkwardly walked back to his house, it was evident that he had soiled himself!

In no time Ponkra returned, hobbling distressingly, and handed the motorbike keys over to Joe#1. Joe#2 drove back to Joe#1’s home where they celebrated their success of conning Ponkra.

***

In my opinion, this was a win-win situation for all involved:

- Joe#1 got his payment in the form of a motorbike;

- Ponkra got his rather messy freedom; and

- Joe#2 liked his look of the day so much that he is stuck with it till today, though the water pistol gets him into trouble on and off at airports.

24 comments:

david mcmahon said...

Nice twist in the tail. So it was only a ``watered-down'' version of the real thing!!!

Trée said...

Great story Celine. I loved the "confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar." :-D

~ Ms. Cute Pants ~ said...

Oh How I'd love to know who Joe #1 & 2 are. Won't you tell me? You do have my email.

Keshi said...

hehe great story! yes they both got what they wanted :)

Keshi.

Ananda Niyogi said...

extremely humourous, and wickedly so :-)

loved the post!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

I love your turn of phrase.. as wrinkled as an elephants scrotum - priceless! You paint a lovely picture.

YesBut said...

Glad you've warned us not to borrow money from your family.

With your imagination, and skilful use of words, I'm looking forward to reading your captions on YesBut's Images.

aria said...

It was really a delightful read .. loved the style and some lines were marvellous..

Kalyan said...

lovely post..thats a great story...wonderful reading!

Neha Nair said...

ponkra?? joe?? I am so lost.... but it was fun to read... nice tea time break!!

Ornery's Wife said...

Okay, I KNOW that Joe #2--He's living with my DAUGHTER!!! If it isn't him, he sure could be his twin! Fun story, but I am thinking I won't be borrowing any money from "Joe" any time soon! ;-)

Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind comments. I truly am blessed to share life with the man of my dreams, and it brings me joy that you enjoyed getting to know him, too.
TM

RamaG said...

I loved the use of fantastic phrases in this story.

like a butcher's hook
Oh...oh thats nasty...(almost can imagine pirate captains whose one hand is replaced by a hook.)

mutated gorilla
Oh my god..

half of the Black Forest hanging out of his arm pits
Yewwww!! (thats puky)

confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar
hahahahaha

hulking Mafioso
the "hulkinator" :-)))

more wrinkles of worry on his forehead than an elephant has on its scrotum
lost for words to describe this.. :-))

-Rama.

Crazy Me said...

Too funny!

Sigma said...

This was a wonderfully funny tale :-)

Thank you so much for your visits and several comments on my blog. I am happy to find another travel enthusiast :-) I have just taken a look at many of your trekking photos, and found them amazing. Going to come back later and read all the logs in detail :-)

AJEYA RAO said...

Good story

indicaspecies said...

david mcmahon:
Yes, a "watered-down" version. Thanks for stopping by. *wags tail* ;)


trée:
Haha..thank you. I like that part too. ;)


~ms. cute pants~:
Sorry, can't reveal their identity as I can't breach the confidentiality contract I've signed with them. All their 'real life' stories will be exclusively shared with me. ;)


keshi:
Thank you very much. :)


ananda niyogi:
Thanks a lot. (I love wicked humor...shhh!) ;)


shrink wrapped scream:
Thank you for dropping by, and for your lovely comments. :)


yesbut:
Hahaha..Yes, beware!
I'll drop by, and thank you for the kind words of encouragement. :)


aria:
Thank you. Delighted you enjoyed the read. Which lines tickled your fancy? ;)


kalyan:
Thank you very much. :)


neha nair:
You feel lost and yet you had fun reading? That's nice. May I suggest you have more tea? ;)


ornery's wife:
Don't even think of borrowing. Joes' family is dangerous..hahaha!
And your son-in-law is Joe#2's twin ..probably they separated when small in a village fair..and now he's flexing his muscles around..and..and..never mind! ;)


ramag:
Thanks a lot. Glad you enjoyed this as much as I did blogging it. :)


crazy me:
Thank you. :)


sigma:
Thank you. And with our common interest in the Himalayas, am sure we'll visit each other often. :)


ajeya rao:
Thank you . :)

Vik said...

Thanks so much for your time in form of a comment in my blog. Appreciate it.

I so like that "as wrinkled as an elephants scrotum" phrase :-) But is'nt that guy Sanjay Dutt? Pretty strange we got oldies survive as much as they want in there as actors and it is the female actors who got problems to face - sagging boobs, wrinkled skin, make up stuff etc etc... So biased this system is'nt it??


Anwya

indicaspecies said...

vik:
Your posting was on an interesting topic, so couldn't resist putting forth my views. Glad that you enjoyed my posting.

To your query, yes it's Sanjay Dutt.
To the rest of your statement my response is, no, I do not agree with your comment that females have got a problem to face to retain their beauty over time. It's such a general comment and there are men out there who have wrinkled skin (and wrinkled what-nots) who also look hideous as they have grown old. Do you mean to say that they don't they have to prove their youth?

However, to elaborate on your statement, I know quite a few women, not just in films but in ordinary life, who are extremely good looking, fit, and have a well maintained beautiful body. Age has not caught up with them, and mind you, they have not tampered with their body as well.

Hema Malini is approx 11 years older than Sanjay and is still looks gorgeous and acting in films. Rekha is apparently 5 years older to him and looks beautiful to date and still in films. Do you want examples from Hollywood? Nastassja Kinski and Emma Thompson are two beautiful women born approx same time as Sanjay has and who are in films. Jodie Foster is another actress of approx Sanju Baba's age. Can cite many more examples..

So the system may be biased to some extent but not the extent you have presumed. There are still so many out there who think a woman can age gracefully and with dignity.

Joel said...

It gave me cold shivers when I saw Joe#1 and #2. Thankfully, it's not me! :)

indicaspecies said...

joel:
Hahaha..now I know you are in the same business Mr. Joe(#)L. ;)

Thank you for dropping by. :)

backpakker said...

Makes for a good Bollywood plot...you have chosen the pictures aptly..it has to be a spoof directed by ram gopal verma

indicaspecies said...

backpakker:
Thank you. I've already approached RGV's agents. ;)

final_transit said...

Ah, you are such a talented storyteller. I'd love to read more, esp. the one you mentioned you feel like writing earlier today :)

indicaspecies said...

Priyank,

Oh, thank you very much. I am only trying.

I should write more often, but don't know when I'll get the time. I need uninterrupted time to put my thoughts into words and that isn't happening these days. :)