July 12, 2007

Despair


A couple of months back, just for the heck of it, I sent in one of my poems in the short poetry contest online. And then I received an email followed by another email that read:

Dear Celine,
Several weeks ago, we informed you by mail that our editors have certified your poem "Despair" as a semi-finalist in our International Open Poetry Contest. I'm writing to remind you that your poem will automatically be entered into the final competition held in Fall 2007. As a semi-finalist, you now have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes--including the $1,000.00 First Prize. You may even win the $10,000.00 annual Grand Prize! We wish you the best of luck as you compete for these prizes in the coming weeks.

Wow. I have a chance to win $10,000.00 in the annual Grand Prize! Would someone actually give me that amount if I win?

I receive a large number of emails in the office mailboxes (and personal boxes also) everyday, some of which is spam. I have got so used to sorting and distributing these emails that, over a period of time, with one quick glance, I am able to categorize which ones are official and which are not.

This experience though, has made me quite skeptical about the genuine ones too, as far as emails are concerned. I, therefore, did not bother to reply to the International Open Poetry Contest organizers to pursue the matter further. Alas! By not responding, I have lost a golden opportunity that had come knocking at my door to win the Poetry Contest. My chance to win $10,000.00 is gone, straight down the drain!

I am sad. I am disheartened. I am inconsolable. I am sorrowful. I cannot endure this pain, it’s unbearable, and I am in agony. This is unbelievable…haha!

Now jokes apart, did that email help me in any way? Oh yes, it did. I got all the encouragement I needed and started writing furiously. I felt like I was Shakespeare reincarnated and started writing not just poetry but literature too. But sadly, the works resembled my own style and not Shakespeare's! Never mind. I guess I am not too bad either. That's not me; it's my modest voice speaking:P I have a few poems now. What do I do with them? Oh no, not another online contest. I have a better idea! Guessed it? Yes, absolutely right. With a glint in my eye, I am directing my gaze at my new friends on this community of bloggers here..haha - you can't escape now!

On a serious note, the ‘Despair’ that I felt while writing this poem in those days was genuine. It was an intense emotional stage I was drowned in and an attempt to express those feelings was made in this poem and in the subsequent ones too. Thankfully, the devastating phase in my life that I went through sometime back has passed. I guess I should also add that today, I am fine..well, almost there!

So, my dear readers, if I share that poem here, will you give me an award? A few words of your thoughts on this would be a fitting accolade.

Here’s my MILLION dollar worth poem:

Despair
=====

In despair, disenchanted,
Sorrowful and disillusioned,

Like slaps on my face, this pain,
Didn't expect to hit me again,

I hurt, I cry, henceforth all alone,
'Cause near me, there's no one,

Forsaken and abandoned,
For loving you – is this my award?

Cannot endure, its unbearable,
This agony, unbelievable,

Torment, suffering, excruciating pain,
I must suffer this, for someone else's gain.

*

18 comments:

niki yokota said...

Shakespeare reincarnated? lol
yeah lovely poem! i like it!!!
i quit sending my essay to the contest too.
one company asked me to pay $10000 to publish my book. wat fraud!!

indicaspecies said...

Thank you for the kind words on my poem niki.
You and I do not believe in "vanity publishing." That's for those who cannot write well to start with and who aren't able to meet the qualifying criteria, so are willing to pay the publishers. Aren't we above all that? Haha!

Anonymous said...

Hey Celine, this is really nice. Shows a soft part of a strong girl. I dont think anybody deserves to suffer for others gains. You need a pat on your back for such a sweet poem. You are a creative writer and i feel you can compile all your works and publish it.

Sri

indicaspecies said...

Sri:
Fortunately, pain and suffering was a thing of the past!
Thank you very much for your kind words. Appreciated. Have a lovely day.:)

Sigma said...

Shakespeare! Lol!
Million dollar worth poem! Lol!!
Btw, from the letter of the organizers, it doesnt seem to require you to send them a response - they were automatically entering your poem in the finals - so you still have chance to win ! :-)

Nice poem ... simple and touching!

indicaspecies said...

sigma: Re the poem, I had to reply to give my consent and there was a catch there and so I did not send it. Anyway, I get my reward each time it's appreciated by someone. Thanks you for your kind words.

Sameera said...

First and foremost,congratulations for Despair getting shortlisted!You really express well and this is a beautiful poem.And I am glad you are out of the state you wrote it in :)

p.s.You are welcome to check out my poetry :)

Sameera said...

Celine I cannot give you any great award,but I would like to pass The Egel Nest Blog Award to you.It was passed on to me by another blogger pal and I am giving it some of the blogs I love.I am yet to read most of your posts but I can see your blog truly deserve this award.Please go to this site and download the eagle pic for your blog.You can also find details regarding its conception there :

http://egelnest.blogspot.com/2007/09/egel-nest-awards.html

Keep up the good work :)

indicaspecies said...

sameera:
I shall continue to go through your lovely blog. I particularly like your poems in there. Good job.

Thank you very much for your kind words here. Just two days back (Oct 18) I got another email which states:
'I am delighted to inform you that your poem "Despair" has been awarded our prestigious Editor's Choice Award because it displays an original perspective and unique creativity -- judged to be the qualities found most in exceptional poetry. Congratulations on your achievement!'
Since you showed interest in this poetry, thought I'd share it with you. :)

I have a written a lot of poetry but haven't published even 10% of it all. Some of it is pretty gloomy, dismal, and depressing. I might publish it gradually over time - if I feel like it. ;)

Your thoughtful gesture on conferring an award to me is very much appreciated. However, please know that I am not craving for any award Sameera. A few simple words of recognition of my creativity, if found deserving, is all I want and you have generously bestowed that. Thanks a lot. :)

Sameera said...

*Thanks for appreciating my work Celine.
*Congratulations for the Editor's Award!
*Please do publish your other poems as well.
*I did not hand you The Egel because I felt you were craving or anything along those lines,but simply because I loved your way of writing,the content and to summarize,Fugue as a whole.It is up to you to accept it or otherwise.I only said that I cannot give you any great award 'cause it pales in comparison to the Award bestowed on you by that website :)

indicaspecies said...

sameera:
I understand your intentions well Sameera. Thanks a lot for your comments, compliments, encouragement and support. I am truly glad you like my blog. :)

By the way I have not accepted the Editor's Award either!

Please be in touch. :)

Sameera said...

You are always welcome.Sure will be n touch and you too :)

God Bless...

Cuckoo said...

Your both the poems are beautiful and so touching. Hope you are doing well Celine. GBU

Keep writing.

indicaspecies said...

Cuckoo,

I am fine, thanks for your kind concern. These are emotions of the past. :)

backpakker said...

Sometimes despair does brings out the best in us..shakespeare also said something on that I guess :) ..jokes apart..beautiful poems and emotions cannot be quantified in terms of money
lakshmi

indicaspecies said...

Lakshmi,

Thank you for your nice comment. As you probably know, my reference to million dollars, of course, was in jest. :)

Ram said...

Celine,

I am deeply touched by your poem "On the village road". I am not finding suitable words to describe about this beautifully written poem. All I can say that I am reminded of the poem "Leisure" by William Henry Davies, which says:


"What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare."

God bless you.

Ram

indicaspecies said...

Ram,

Thank you for the kind words.

Leisure is one of my favourite poems. I've published it in full as my very first blog post (June 28) after the introductory post here:

http://indicaspecies.blogspot.com/2007/06/leisure-by-davies-what-is-this-life-if.html

It did not strike me till now that the theme of "On the Village Road" is pretty similar to that of Davies' "Leisure." Thank you for pointing out. I've also added a message of the need for lasting peace in this world.:)