June 7, 2008

Donation

In the spirit of encouraging creative writing, Sameera has a come out with a contest for her readers entitled Equal A Sequel to write a sequel to her short story Dumbstruck. I have been given special permission to present my shorter version of a tale to conclude Dumbstruck.

Here is my entry titled "Donation" in poetry as well as prose form, and yes, both are Fifty-Five Fiction.


She was blind,
Tirelessly he described,
Nature’s beauty, rainbow,
Deep in love,
Happy they are,
In every way,
Except one:
She longed to see,
Like he did.

Then one day,
He arranged it,
And she saw!
He was blind!!

Shocked,
She furiously yelled, “Liar.”
Heartbroken,
He departed,
Leaving a note:

“Take care of my eyes.”



She was blind. Tirelessly he described nature’s beauty and rainbow. Deeply in love, they were happy in every way except one: She longed to see, like he did. One day, he arranged it and she saw: He was blind! Shocked, she furiously yelled, “Liar.” Heartbroken, he departed leaving a note: “Take care of my eyes.”



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50 comments:

*~*Sameera*~* said...

Awww so sweet!You not only wrote two versions of it but also put it up here :)

Btw,which version am I supposed to take for the contest? ;)

Excellent effort!

Cuckoo said...

Celine,
You know what ?? You are a genius !!

But before I finished the poem, I knew the result.

"And she saw!
He was blind!!" told that. Perhaps I have seen some movie also on similar lines.

But kudos to you for writing this brilliant piece.

Cuckoo

Ram said...

Celine,

I am deeply touched by your poetic genius. The flight of imagination is simply par excellence.

Your verse did remind me of one of the greatest poems -"On his blindness" by John Milton.

indicaspecies said...

Sameera,

Thank you. Pick up whichever form has a better chance of winning..haha! Just kidding.

I personally prefer the free verse form, but you may choose whatever you like.:)

sheru said...

beautiful! so full of meaning! loved it! very touching! plz write more often! i love reading these kinda posts

indicaspecies said...

Cuckoo,

You are showering me with lovely words. Thank you.:)

indicaspecies said...

Ram,

Since you referred to it, I read the relevant sonnet of Milton again, and it is superb indeed.

I see here am being complimented more than I deserve. Thank you very much for sending such nice words this way.:)

indicaspecies said...

Sheru,

That's a lot of encouragement. Thank you very much.:)

Indrani said...

Very very well written, Celine. I have read a similar story many years back, but this is excellent.

Vinni said...

True Love Means sacrifice and to me thats what this beautiful poetry is all about. Don't they say "Love is Blind" well this one literally was.

But then Do you need eyes when you are in Love?

indicaspecies said...

Indrani,

Thank you. I'm delighted that you like it.:)

indicaspecies said...

Vinni,

Love is blind and when one is in love, love can be felt through closed eyes too. True love also includes sacrifice! Hmmm.

I like your comment so I repeated it. Thanks for your visit and brilliant observations.:)

M.KATE said...

Another wonderful reading Celine, you really have a way with words!! Are you a writter ? hugs always

indicaspecies said...

Kate,

I'm not into professional writing, but do a bit of creative writing during my free time. Thank you for your kind words, and am glad you liked this post.:)

david mcmahon said...

Wonderful work, Celine.

Concise and moving. Bravo!

indicaspecies said...

David,

My friend, thank you very much. Compliments from you are highly encouraging.:)

Priyank said...

waaaaaaaaw, the language queen writes yet another stellar piece :)

A technical question though. Can they transplant the eyes of a living man?

Merisi said...

Celine,
you are a whole bundle of talents wrapped into one person!

It took David to come over here again, I was so much on the road lately, I hardly manage(d) to post on my blog. I shall always come back here, though, and read what you have written during my absense.
Hugs, Merisi

indicaspecies said...

Priyank,

Thank you very much.:)

You have posed an intriguing question. I wish I were in the medical field to answer that. I am only aware of corneal transplantation (or grafting) being done provided there is donor cornea available.

Transplantation of eye(s) of living donors is an interesting concept. For my fiction it was allowed; in reality it seems unlikely. Let's hope to get to hear some views in this regard.

indicaspecies said...

Merisi,

While busy at office, you have given me a pleasant surprise with such good news! *hugs*

Thank you very much for your compliments. I feel honoured to receive another award from David. I so treasure these moments of joy of having the feeling of done something worthwhile and being appreciated for that in the blogworld.

It's always a pleasure visiting you to admire your fabulous pictures. I hope you always find enough time to post so we get to enjoy more such beauties.

jeana said...

love is blind. love is giving. love is sharing. love is sacrificing. love is beautiful. so are u:D
mwah. i expect u to donate ur eyes if i ever go blind chillua!:P
mwah! love wut u wrote.

indicaspecies said...

Jeana,

Thank you.:)

Why just eyes? As Mariah Carey says, "I'd give my all" to you sweetie.

You are very special.I love you Jeana. *mwah* *hugs*

Shrinky said...

Oh, so tragic, if only she knew you don't always need eyes to see..

Beautiful.

Michele (Rocky Mtn.Girl) said...

You have such a beautiful and magical way of words... it was a pleasure to follow your comments on my blog to here... ah... such wonderful writings.
You are very talented in every way.
~Michele~
Mountain Retreat

Merisi said...

Celine,
what a pleasant surprise, I wasn't aware that I was the first bringer of good news! :-)))

I am hoping to manage a walk along the Fan Mile (as you know, Football is reigning here right now, or soccer, for that matter, Euro 2008 'smile'), to see what the fans are up to today.

Hugs!

shooting star said...

nice and poignant!!!

CHEWY said...

um... my translation of this poem is not that she was physically blind, but that she came to realize that his "vision" of her was as he imagined her to be. How he wanted her to be. Not as she actually is.

CrazyCath said...

Extremely poignant. Shocking and sad.Excellent writing. Over from David's.

Maggie May said...

I popped over from David's. Found this little tale very sad! Very cleverly written and thought out.

backpakker said...

beautiful piece..tragic but beautiful..life is full of ironies

Lakshmi

indicaspecies said...

Shrinky,

Thank you for your visit and kind words Carol.:)

Yes, a true loving heart doesn't need eyes to see. Yes, if only she had realized that...

indicaspecies said...

Michele,

Thank you for the generous compliments sent my way.

David has justly conferred the top Award for your stunning photography. The pleasure to visit you has indeed been mine. Hope to see you around here sometimes and you are welcome always.:)

indicaspecies said...

Merisi,

Yes, bringer of good news. Thank you.:)

And yes, yes, yes.. football season, and in your own neighborhood. Do enjoy your Fan Mile walk and please shoot interesting pictures to share with us.*hugs*

indicaspecies said...

Shooting Star:

Thank you Sushmita.:)

indicaspecies said...

Chewy,

His 'vision' of her is another interesting way of looking at the scenario. Thanks for your engaging comment Darlene.:)

indicaspecies said...

Cath,

Welcome and thank you very much for your profound comments and compliments.

And hey, congratulations. Your post is wonderful and truly deserving of the Award too.:)

indicaspecies said...

Maggie May,

Thank you for your gracious visit to my blog, and your thoughtful comments. Your compliments are very encouraging.:)

indicaspecies said...

Lakshmi,

Thank you very much. You remind me of Hardy's Life's little ironies.:)

CrazyCath said...

Thank you so much for the lovely comment on my bird post. Very kind.

indicaspecies said...

Cath,

Your Camera Critters post is fabulous and the pleasure has been mine.:)

Bendtherulz said...

I agree that one gets to know the ending or the gist of the flow. However the way you have written so very concise -it seemed to be so fresh and sad....it surely touches your heart!

Very good !!
Tk care ~

ps - thats the problem with name changing.....you forget ......lol....

indicaspecies said...

BTR (it shall be so, no change allowed),

Do you mean to say that you knew how it would end? Tch, I should be more creative next time to spring a surprise on you then..haha!

Thank you for your ever encouraging comments.:)

rohit said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

you are fantastic!!!

a kiss for you, my dear friend!

god bless u dear

can we exchange our link

r u ready to do?

Reena said...

Hi Cellu,

Your work is a real marvel, its interesting and very knowledgeable. I like the way you have depicted the whole scenario. Continue the Good work and God Bless!!!

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

This sure IS beautifully sad. Written wonderfully.

:)

thanks for stoppin by my blog. :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

I chose the poetry form cause you had asked me permission to complete the story in the form a poem.Fair enough eh? :)

indicaspecies said...

Rohit,

Thank you.

indicaspecies said...

Reena,

Welcome to my blog, and thank you very much for your nice words and encouragement. Please do drop by sometimes.:)

indicaspecies said...

Busy Writer:

Thank you for your visit here, and for your kind words. I hope you stop by sometimes.:)

indicaspecies said...

Sameera,

Thanks. That's absolutely fine.:) When's your next contest?;)